Watch out for the Chamelodent

Though many species are eager to make themselves known to others in the Healthcare Habitat, there are some that prefer stealth, to avoid falling foul of more fearsome species.

One species, the Chamelodent, has honed these subterfuge skills to the point that they’re practically unnoticeable in the ecosystem – the ninjas of the NHS.

Students may be surprised by how many Chamelodents inhabit the Healthcare Habitat, but sure enough, a scrupulous search will reveal many individuals hiding in plain sight.

How do you spot a Chamelodent?

• Individuals remaining silent in group discussion (note – underlying causes must be ruled out – fatigue, hangovers and boredom also make good excuses for reduced participation).
• Individuals only ever found in learning environments – rarely will Chamelodents remain long in locations where they – god forbid – have to “chit-chat”. They may be as stealthy as the Predator, but are also about as good at small talk as a mollusc.
• Individuals whose names are not known to the majority of students. Paradoxically however, akin to Studolphins, if recognised they are described as “really, really lovely”.

Amongst friends, Chamelodents reveal a hidden yet friendly demeanour. However, should unknown entities enter the vicinity, their instinctive under-the-radar modus operandi kicks in.

Like the guy in Jurassic Park hiding from the T-Rex (not the toilet guy), Chamelodents avoid attention by minimising noise and movement, avoiding eye contact with the intruder and only interacting if confronted.  Through this, individuals go undetected, helping them avoid the purgatory of awkward interactions with unfamiliar individuals.

It’s hard to study Medicine with reptile dysfunction

Unfortunately, this mechanism has disadvantages. Their timidity means individuals have difficulty identifying non-hostile species. Furthermore, if a Chamelodent does successfully identify another’s friendliness, their shyness & apparent lack of approachability remains prevalent. This prevents social connection between the Chamelodent and other species.

Another risk of stealth tactics is that it will incur the wrath of more observant predators. These may pick out Chamelodents as “not contributing”. Not only will this alert others in the vicinity (thereby ruining attempts at remaining incognito), but it also worsens their anxiety regarding future social encounters, reducing the likelihood of future participation.

A vanishing act gone wrong

This is problematic for students working alongside Chamelodents, as timid individuals will offer little assistance to a student confronted by predators. To study Medicine successfully in the face of little backup from the Chamelodent (who is currently wishing that they were under a cloak of invisibility), students must answer more questions, occasionally putting themselves on the chopping block for any passing Consultasaurus Rex to deal the killing blow. Please note, this is a metaphorical killing blow from metaphorical dinosaurs. No way could a tyrannosaurus’ stubby arms hold an axe let alone swing it.

Don’t roll your eyes at a Chamelodent

Students get the most out of Chamelodent companions by easing them out of their comfortable shyness, encouraging them with friendly conversation and promoting their inclusion in rituals or tasks. The species cannot be forced from its comfort , only becoming more reclusive should this be attempted.

Social connections with Chamelodents are worth the effort. To study Medicine with the Chamelodent by your side will result in a beautiful relationsip. As above, once comfortable, individuals are generally “really, really lovely”, meaning that they participate more than your average student in joint tasks and make for pleasant Medical School companions. Patient students make the most out of working with Chamelodents – and it is worth the wait.

Uploaded by Eric Richardson on 20 May 2016