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The Stubat – a party animal to be friends with

Medical training with the Stubat, illustratd by Lynda Richardson
Medical training with the Stubat, illustratd by Lynda Richardson

The Stubat: one of the first species that a student encounters, often before having even set foot into the healthcare habitat. Friendly and fun-loving, Stubats are excellent companions during the early years of medical training, making this period hugely enjoyable.

Love at first bite

Most easily found at parties and nightclubs, individuals frequent these ecosystems as many as 3-5 times a week. Often, they employ their signature call of “back by one”, to entice others to accompany them on their nocturnal outings (note: this return-time declaration is inaccurate – despite intentions, Stubats rarely return home any time earlier than 2:30).

Prevalence of Stubats amongst a body of students is most easily identified in lecture theatres at 9AM the following day, with the herd drastically dwindled by the “hangover” blight that is rife amongst Stubats.

Batter late than never

Those scarce few that haven’t succumbed to the temptations of a warm bed and leftover takeaway breakfast (congealed microwave pizza…. yum) employ a combination of caffeine, deodorant and sheer willpower to force themselves to attend.

However, they are easily recognised by their zoned-out expressions (complete with “zombie-stare” and gentle head bobbing as their sleep-deprived brain attempts to involuntarily shut down), their hastily-improvised wardrobe and their signature arrival – 10 minutes late. Some go so far as to make the roughly 800 m journey in style, pulling up in taxis to limit early morning exertion.

The ultimate wingman/woman

Stubats are blessings to a student. Their social nature means that close proximity ensures a steady flow of social outings and parties to attend – invaluable for medical training, obviously – and their ability to procure event invitations from the ether of Facebook ensures that few events are inaccessible to a student.

However, with all these benefits comes some unreliability – never trust a stubat to make scheduled early-morning activities, especially those involving exercise / studying. Prepare back-up plans accordingly.

The species’ frequent absence from forays into the healthcare habitat  is also a double-edged sword. Placement opportunities are divided amongst fewer individuals and teaching is more focussed upon the student’s needs. This means that the lack of companions can result in intensifying scrutiny imposed upon a student, making it harder to avoid a raging Consultasaurus Rex, or to bat away Doctor Sphinx’s riddles. Plus, without company, dull placements can very quickly become insufferable, with even small talk’s divertive effect now lost.

Nocturnal is the new black

When living amongst Stubats, it is important to throw yourself into the lifestyle. Go out and join in on the nightlife, especially in early stages of medical training when the pressures are lower. What is important however, is to know the limit.

Avoid adventures the night before an expedition into the healthcare habitat (even if they spout their trusty catchphrase), and make sure to keep on top of work. Sleep deprivation and a budding alcoholic tendency are not particularly great motivators to work – a problem when examinations draw near. In summary – have fun, but don’t go crazy.

Final point – Stubats rarely fail to take pictures on nights out. These will undoubtedly pop up on Facebook, so be ready to strike a pose at the drop of a hat – don’t be the guy on the side who’s nostrils were caught in a bad light and look like two hot air balloons.

Uploaded by Eric Richardson on 13 May, 2016

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