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The Piranhacademic

In this medical student blog, meet the Piranhacademic. Illustrated by Lynda Richardson
In this medical student blog, meet the Piranhacademic. Illustrated by Lynda Richardson

Once upon a time in a medical student blog…

A while ago, we met the friendliest creature to grace the Medical School habitat: the Studolphin. Unfortunately, not many other species live up to the standards of care and cooperation of these amazing specimens. One such species is the Piranhacademic.

Like the Studolphin, Piranhacademics are members of the student family, but this is as far as comparisons go.

 Keep your friends close & your anemones closer

It distinguishes itself by its voracious, self-centred attitude towards learning, greedily consuming every opportunity that it can get into its hungry jaws, leaving nothing but its unwanted scraps for fellow med students.

The Piranhacademic’s origins are unclear. It is speculated that the species originally branched off from the main student evolutionary line due to an intense drive to succeed.

However, somewhere along the way the race’s pure intentions became corrupted, with individuals discovering that they could prosper best not by cooperating with other students, but instead by actively competing with them for their learning opportunities, ignoring the unspoken code of honour amongst fellow students.

This species has no sweet tooth

Succumbing to these dark temptations, this fallen species has devolved to the point where “honour”, “comradeship” and “not stealing somebody else’s placement allocation because theirs looked boring” are all alien concepts in their soulless, uncaring minds.

Devious creatures, Piranhacademics will utilise any advantage to gain an upper hand upon other students. Normally, Piranhacademics use the simple technique of snatching up any opportunities that present themselves before any other students can get to them

So, if you’re in piranhacademic-infested wards, be wary of the species creeping up to steal away opportunities. Commonplace are stories of students setting down bloods forms while they gather equipment, only to return to find said forms whisked away and the bloods already taken by these roguish creatures.

This scampi happening

Others of the species can exhibit even further disregard for their comrades, with individuals known to ignore both written and unwritten laws of conduct in the Healthcare Habitat and beyond.

These infringements can be minor, such as a piranhacademic taking another student’s placement rotation, or major, with truly evil members of the species going so far as to steal unguarded notes or books.

Though piranhacademic attacks of this severity are rare, they do occur in the modern day, and as such you should be cautious – do not leave notes unguarded for extended periods, especially in secluded areas, as these are hotspots for piranhacademic activity.

Any-fin is possible

There must be some advantages to working with piranhacademics, I just can’t seem to think of any…. Maybe if you prefer having less interesting placements or would rather not do anything all day? Nope, can’t think of any.

Fortunately the species is a rare one. Most students honour the code and shun those that choose to break it. Plus, there could be a silver lining to any encounter you may have with a Piranhacademic – woe betide one who steals and is discovered. They may be cast out of the Medical School doors, never to return (unless they come in as a patient and need treatment – Hippocratic oath, etc. – but we’ll give them evil looks the whole time. That’ll make them feel bad).

Uploaded by Eric on 17 June, 2016

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