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The Alpha Nurse

The Alpha Nurse, illustrated by Lynda Richardson
Want to be a medic at uni? Let the Alpha Nurse help! Illustrated by Lynda Richardson

A student medic will spend considerable time working alongside nurses, an abundant genus that has adapted to all of the healthcare habitat’s numerous ecosystems. Sometimes, you may have to accompany a nurse who is unsure of how best to integrate you into their routine.

Unfortunately, this makes for long hours of awkward silences and minimal interaction – equally unpleasant for both parties. However, time spent with one particular nurse species is certain to bear valuable opportunities and engaging experience – The Alpha Nurse.

What is an Alpha Nurse?

A seasoned veteran on the front line of the healthcare habitat, the alpha nurse has been hardened by years of eternal conflict. Whereas many of their closest comrades have fallen in battle – casualties of the constant struggle to fend off the never ending horde of patients – the alpha nurse holds the line.

A metaphorical Jon Snow, the alpha nurse is responsible for controlling other, more junior nurses (the Night’s watch), keeping uneasy peace with the doctors (Stannis’ armies) and making sure that all waves of patients (The white walkers I guess? Preferably less dead though) are treated satisfactorily. And if Jon Snow can do it then surely a trained nurse can? (**Spoiler alert** I’ve only watched up to season 3, but am pretty confident that Jon Snow’s going to emerge totally unscathed.)

How to approach an Alpha Nurse

The alpha’s all-action nature can make approach intimidating to a novice medic, but unlike with the Consultasaurus Rex, boldness in this circumstance is highly rewarded. Alphas are too busy to recruit a student stood at reception looking around sheepishly.

If a student fails to summon the courage to confront the head of the pack, talking to a Beta Nurse may help. Alphas-in-training, these cubs will normally introduce you to their alpha, reaching the same end point, without the need for feats of bravery.

When you’re on the good side of an Alpha Nurse…

If an alpha believes a student to be of use in the ongoing battle of daily duties, then the student is brought into their pack. Benefits of inclusion are numerous. The Alpha Nurse will cherry-pick the most practical opportunities for the you, recommending which patients to talk to and where and when certain skills will be required during the day.

Why Nurse, what sharp teeth you have…

However, one must not go too far so as to be intrusive. If daily rituals are interrupted by a student demanding a signature in their placement booklet for the 8th time in under an hour, the species will turn hostile. And if the alpha turns hostile, there is little doubt upon the rest of the pack’s stance.

The alpha nurse, and by extension their nurse pack, are valuable allies in surviving the healthcare habitat. A long-term pact with the species produces innumerable opportunities, and medical students should build healthy relationships from the offset.

After all, the Healthcare battle rages on, and without these invaluable commanders ever-present in the melee, the likes of doctors and students would soon be overwhelmed and obliterated.

Uploaded by Eric Richardson on 18 March 2016

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