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What is Medical School Like? Meet the Consultasaurus Rex

Consultasaurus Rex by David Reid
What is Medical School like? Meet the Consultasaurus Rex illustrated by David Reid

Thinking of Medical School? Meet the Consultasaurus Rex

For those of you who have received precious offers, or those aspiring medics making the first tentative steps towards creating the perfect med school application, the question ‘What is Medical School like?’ must be on the tip of your tongue.

I’ll tell you now it’s not all buttercups and rainbows. During your foray through the jungle of the medical workplace, you will be confronted by daunting tasks on an everyday basis. However, few are as intense and nerve-wracking as an encounter with the dreaded Consultasaurus Rex.

What is a Consultasaurus Rex?

Highly aggressive, the species predates a wide range of fauna, including students, nurses and junior doctors. Detecting signs of weakness, hesitancy or error, the Consultasaurus Rex is infamous for using a hostile tone and demoralizing language to shatter the confidence of its prey, while its iconic cry of “When I was a student…” (followed by some feat they apparently performed and an explanation of how nowadays students are terrible and medicine is falling apart) induces extra damage. Tales are told of individuals demonstrating even further aggressive activity, though many stories are unsubstantiated or arise from hearsay.

Though rare in the modern era (most consultants being docile unless provoked), and with changes in the teaching of medicine driving the species towards extinction, it is possible for a student to encounter one, and therefore they must be informed on how best to avoid becoming prey. Though impossible to obtain the species’ admiration, it is possible to achieve their (temporary) acceptance.

What to do when you meet a Consultasaurus Rex

Whilst interacting with the species, one must act only once the Consultasaurus has given instruction to do so. Boldness, though normally effective in improving learning with other species, provokes aggression from the C. Rex.  Act with caution.

Conversely, the species becomes enraged by signs of meekness or hesitancy. If questioned, students shouldn’t dally or pause excessively before answering – an attempt at answering questions is superior to delaying and exacerbating the species impatient temperament. It is wise for a student to have conducted excessive research into the specific Consultasaurus’ interests and work prior to direct interaction, thereby improving their likelihood of a correct answer.

Although tempting to simply evade the Consultasaurus Rex, this frequently becomes impossible. The more an individual becomes aware that you are avoiding them, the more hostile they will be when the inevitable encounter occurs. Students are better off simply facing the beast armed with background knowledge and sufficient caution, for though the predator is highly dangerous to the unprepared, the benefits of time with the species are numerous.

Tough love makes for better learning

Under high pressure and intense scrutiny from these predators, students receive very effective teaching. Fear is an excellent motivator, and from personal experience this blogger can tell you that having run the gauntlet of working with a Consultasaurus for over a month, I emerged a tougher, more resilient student, with  topics learnt under the gaze of the Consultasaurus now strongest in my arsenal. If another should find themselves in a similar situation, their best bet is to work their hardest, weather the storm and reap the lucrative rewards.

Uploaded by Eric Richardson on 4 March 2016

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