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The Aconsultalotl

The Aconsultalotl
The Aconsultalotl illustrated by Lynda Richardson

When a registrar species has sufficiently grown and adapted to its environment, it metamorphoses into one of the consultant species, ranging from fearsome Consultasaurus Rexes to caring Golden Goose consultants. However, on occasion, individuals transform into some of the most absurd creatures ever to grace the healthcare habitat; Aconsultalotls.

How to spot them

The Aconsultalotl, though prevalent in a many specialities and forms, is in essence very strange. This strangeness manifests in many ways – singing in theatre, using strange phrases in conversation or the employment of an eccentric fashion sense: wraparound, comb-over hairdos, overly-stylised facial hair, gaudy ties and a wardrobe consisting of naught but corduroy.

Now if you happen to see any of these characteristics you’ve encountered one of:

  1. An Aconsultalotl
  2. Doctor Who – if this is the case, kindly remove them from the premises – we have no record of this individual’s qualifications and therefore believe their claims to the title of “doctor” to be fraudulent. Do not let them attend to patients – quirky time-travelling adventures are the last thing the man on ward 47 with community-acquired pneumonia needs.

How they’ve evolved

The process through which a normal registrar (“normal” being a loose term – let’s face it, a search of any doctor’s Facebook page will unearth perplexing interests) transforms into a member of this aberrant species is a long one.

It has been speculated that an individual’s propensity to morph into an aconsultalotl is controlled by genetics. The “Qu-1-rk” gene of a registrar – a 100% not-made-up gene – is usually suppressed by the direct supervision & presence of higher consultants.

However, when the registrars consultancy training is complete inhibitions are lost and the Qu-1-rk gene comes out to play.

Don’t be afraid to axolotl questions

Interactions with Aconsultalotls are perplexing. In lectures, Aconsultalotls are charismatic speakers. Their sessions among the most entertaining. Unfortunately, as amusing as they are, their teachings can be haphazard. Students must stay vigilant to important points made light of by the aconsultalotl. Despite the humorous tone of presentation, the content is vitally important to explorer training. Vigorous note-taking is advised.

It is normally not long before students discover the enjoyment-factor provided by the Aconsultalotl’s weirdness, turning placements into far more entertaining experiences – like educational, stand-up comedy. Memories of these funnier sessions are retained longer than that of others, thereby making tutelage that little bit better.

Nonetheless, students must remember that despite the species’ unparalleled antics, it is still the apex predator, and therefore a degree of consideration is needed at all times. Surgeon Aconsultalotls will not be amused if you contaminate their theatre by throwing your arms in the air upon joining in on their rendition of “my old man’s a dust-man”.

Summarily,  Aconsultalotls, as stated before, are strange. Walking paradoxes, these playful professionals / educational comedians are an acquired taste, but regardless, an encounter with one, much like the teaching communicated, will be remembered for quite some time.

And here's a pic of an axolotl, because they are just so cute
And here’s a pic of an axolotl, because they are just so cute

Uploaded by Eric Richardson on 29 April 2016

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